My Surrogacy Journey

New home for a new beginning ...

2010-04-05T12:39:00.002+01:00

I have decided to move my blog over to Wordpress:

http://surrogatemum.wordpress.com/

I am still in the process of setting it up, but I will post all future updates on the new blog and have moved all previous posts across.

I promise to keep it updated from now on!!

The Next Chapter

2009-10-20T14:37:00.003+01:00

It is about time that I started the next chapter in my journey!

It has been a difficult few weeks, especially for my IPs. But we are all ready to start again and getting excited about the future.

I have been on the birth control pill for about 3 weeks now. IM also started last week. We have our baseline scans next Tuesday and then should start injecting the Buserelin some time next week.

Egg collection and transfer should be around the first week of December if all goes to plan.

We had an appointment with the consultant at the hospital a few weeks ago and she said that in her opinion the miscarriage was "just one of those things". There's nothing we could have done. The embryos were good quality, but obviously just weren't intended to become babies. There's no reason to think the same thing will happen again.

Another thing we discussed was the poor fertilisation rate we had last time. Out of 19 eggs only 3 fertilised, and only two were good quality. The consultant believes that if we use ICSI this time we will have a much better result.

I'm really looking forward to trying again. But I am a bit anxious about things going wrong again. Hopefully this time everything will work out.

The end of one chapter and the beginning of the next ...

2009-09-01T10:20:00.003+01:00

It is with great sadness that I must bring my blog up to date ...

We'd hoped that the light bleeding I'd experienced was nothing to worry about. But unfortunately it was my body's way of telling me that things were not going well. We were all beginning to feel more optimistic when on Thursday I had a bright red bleed. It wasn't a lot, but enough to make me worry. I went to A&E and IPs met me there.

The A&E doc checked me over and then looked at our notes ... the nurse had performed a urine test which had come up negative for pregnancy. We couldn't believe it when he told us and were all devastated. Unhelpfully, the doc just told us to go home and do a home pregnancy test in the morning. I bought some on my way home and did one that evening and another in the morning. Both came up positive, but the line was much weaker than it had been previously. We all knew deep down what had happened but we needed someone to tell it to us straight. So IM booked a private appointment. We met a lovely doctor who performed a scan for us. There was nothing there :-( The embryos were gone and my lining was thin.

The doc thinks I miscarried a few days previously and the fertility meds I was taking were making me hold on to something that had already ended. He told me to come off the meds, which I did, and then I started cramping and bleeding properly.

I feel so very disappointed. I was so sure that things would be okay. I also feel very empty. It's a strange feeling. But most of all, I feel so very sorry for my IPs.

We will try again. I am more than happy to do it all again. So this is not the end, it's just another step in our journey x x x

5+2 weeks

2009-08-26T10:39:00.002+01:00

The first few days after the positive test were fantastic. I think we all felt so elated that it worked first time. But we were brought back down to earth at the weekend when I had some bleeding. It wasn't heavy, but went on for 3 days. And I am still getting some spotting every day. But we have been told that bleeding is common with IVF pregnancies. We have no reason to believe anything bad has happened as it was 'old blood' (brown) and there were no clots. We've been told that if I have any fresh bleeding (red) or pain then I should go straight to A&E. Otherwise we just carry on as normal and go for our scan on the 3rd.

It has made me very anxious. I usually try to be quite laid back while pregnant but I must admit that this has worried me a little. But I am staying positive. I have lots of pregnancy symptoms: mild morning sickness, constant dizziness (have had that since a few days after the transfer) and the lower part of my tummy is already starting to feel a swollen.

I actually had a very similar bleed with my son (who is now 4). But I didn't know I was pregnant at the time so I had nothing to worry about! I only did a test because I thought it was odd that my period had lasted only a couple of days ... and it was positive!

This time, when I first saw the blood, I panicked and thought it was all over! It was only when I gathered my thoughts that I realised it was only light and was old blood, so possible just leftover from implantation - maybe just a bit of excess lining coming away. Now that everything has settled down, I feel confident again.

So we just have to get through the next week and then we will have the scan. Then hopefully we'll have an uneventful 8 months to go! The big question is, will there be one baby or two?!

Scan Date

2009-08-19T16:57:00.002+01:00

Today was the official test day. The hospital gave me a home pregnancy test to take today. I did it first thing this morning and it came up positive straight away! As you can see, it's lovely and clear.

I emailed the hospital to let them know and they got back to me with our early pregnancy scan date - 3rd September! I can't wait.

I received the biggest and loveliest bunch of flowers I have ever seen this morning! My IPs are so lovely and thoughtful x x x

"A grand adventure is about to begin"

2009-08-17T12:54:00.003+01:00

We tested yesterday (3 times!!!) and every one was a lovely Big Fat Positive!!!

We are all over the moon. Due date is 26th April 2010. We will let the hospital know and they will do a scan at 6 weeks to look for a heartbeat/s.

I am so excited and nervous all at the same time!

Today we are 4 weeks pregnant :-)

"All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today"

2009-08-11T15:06:00.002+01:00

IM had her egg collection on Monday. They managed to retrieve 19 eggs which we all thought was fantastic! But unfortunately only 3 fertilised, one of which was not good enough to use or freeze.

It was a real shame, especially after everything IM went through. But at least we had two good embryos we could use for transfer. The hospital wanted to do a 2 day transfer to get the embryos inside me nice and early. So on Wednesday we all met at the hospital at 10am for our transfer appointment.

The transfer went well. It was a little uncomfortable as I had to have a full bladder for it, but it wasn't painful at all. IM came into the room with me and it was nice to have a familiar face there. It all felt very surreal. I couldn't believe that after months of appointments, we were finally there.

So now there are two little dots inside me. I just really hope that at least one of them holds on. The 2 week wait feels very long! I can't wait to find out if it's worked or not. I really, really hope it has worked but I don't want to get my hopes up too much. I'm just doing my best to be healthy and relaxed over the next few days.

A big update - nearly there!

2009-08-03T20:46:00.003+01:00

Sorry for the delay in updating. I have been so busy lately with work. I've also been on holiday and now the kids are home for the summer hols and I need to keep the constantly occupied!

My IM and I started injecting Buserelin in early July. I had to inject 0.5mls a day for 2 weeks. I chose to inject it into my tummy. It was actually okay. I was very surprised that it didn't hurt much and I didn't find it difficult to inject myself! It's now just part of my morning routine!

After 2 weeks we both went in for scans to confirm that we were down regulated. Then we were told to reduce to 0.25mls of Buserelin per day. I then started taking 4mg of Climavel per day and my IM started injecting Gonal F to stimulate her ovaries.

Regular scans showed that IM was producing lots of nice follicles and she was told to reduce her medication in case she over-stimulated.

A recent scan showed that my lining is a nice comfy 9.6mm - they want it at least 8mm for the transfer so there's more than enough there :-)

IM took her trigger injection on Saturday night and went in for egg collection today. The transfer will be later this week!! I can't believe it's come round so fast! I'm so excited and feel really confident that things will work for us.

We're off!

2009-06-20T16:26:00.003+01:00

IM and I have both started taking the contraceptive pill. It feels good to be doing something productive! We both visited our solicitors last week and have letters confirming our life insurance.

We have an appointment at the hospital on Thursday to sign the consent forms! Then we have appointments on 7th July to both be scanned. Then we will hopefully start our Buserelin injections!

I really can't believe we are finally getting started. Every time we have got past one thing, there always seems to be another hurdle put in front of us. But now it looks like we're finally on the home run. I just pray that everything goes okay with the egg retrieval and the transfer and that we'll have some good news to announce in August!

Almost there ...

2009-06-16T10:52:00.003+01:00

Sorry it's taken so long for me to update on here. We've had a bit of a rollercoaster journey over the last couple of months so I will try to bring you up to date.

We had our group counselling session. It went really well and we felt happy that the hospital would support our arrangement and do the treatment for us. We then had our visits from the social worker. She visited my IPs first and then us shortly after. The whole time she was at our house, she raved about how lovely my IPs were! So I got the feeling she was very happy with our arrangement.

We all felt really positive and were hoping that the panel meeting would go ahead quickly and we would get the thumbs up. Then we had a huge blow. Apparently, IF's sperm should have been quarantined for 6 months! But somehow they just neglected to tell us this back in October when we went for our first appointment together. We were all under the impression we were having a totally fresh transfer.

Thankfully, the doctor was in support of a fresh transfer with fresh sperm, but they needed to get an adjustment to their licence from the HFEA. So they applied for the exception, and we waited! Finally we heard back and it was a YES! We were over the moon. So the panel meeting went ahead, they gave us the thumbs up, and we are finally getting started!

Myself and my IPs went to see the Senior Nurse a couple of weeks ago and she talked us through our treatment plans. She also gave us our prescriptions for the medication and showed us how to use the syringes etc! That was a bit daunting. We found out that IM's medication for the egg retrieval was going to cost almost £600! But luckily she has a very kind GP who gave all the medication to her on the NHS.

We just need to get letters from our solicitors to confirm that our life insurances are in place, then we can sign the consent forms at the hospital. That should all happen over the next couple of weeks and I should start my treatment in early July. We're hoping for an end of July transfer, but it may end up being early August. But at least we are finally there. We are hoping to get two good embryos to transfer and hopefully at least one will stick! Any extra embryos will be frozen, but hopefully we won't need them!

Counselling nearly over

2009-03-14T20:40:00.003Z

Our counselling appointment on Thursday went really well. The counsellor repeated a lot of the same questions she asked last time which made me wonder if she even remembered out last session?! But towards the end she really seemed to warm to us and at the end she said she was happy that we had completed our couple's counselling. Yay!

On Tuesday we have our group counselling session with IPs and then the counselling will be over. We then have a social worker visiting us and IPs. After this, the hospital will have a panel meeting to decide our fate! Hopefully they will give us the go ahead and we can finally start treatment. We're still keeping our fingers crossed for a May/June transfer.

I'm really looking forward to seing IPs again on Tuesday. Will try to remember to post afterwards about how it went.

One Step Closer

2009-03-10T21:16:00.003Z

I haven't posted lately because there hasn't been much to report!

We finally got our appointment on the 5th February. We had some bloods taken and talked through the IVF process. Then dh and I attended our first counselling session. It was quite interesting but I did feel a bit like the counsellor was clutching at straws and trying to find things to talk about! It's very obvious that we've already done a lot of research and have already talked everything through with COTS. But the hospital have a duty of care and need to make sure we complete their counselling programme before we can proceed.

We have our next counselling session on Thursday. Then we need to arrange a group counselling session with the IPs. Shortly after that we should finally be able to start the IVF process.

It's all taking a long time and has been a bit of a rollercoaster. But in some ways that's been good because it's given IM and I plenty of time to chat things through. I feel as though we have become very close over the last few months and I can't wait to help her to have her baby. I also hope to involve her as much as possible in the pregnancy and birth to make sure she can bond with the baby.

There was a documentary on TV last night called "Addicted to Surrogacy". All media is great for surrogacy awareness, but this particular documentary seemed to concentrate on the eccentric surrogates and the extreme relationships. It wasn't very representative of most surrogacy arrangements. It's a real shame because it made surrogates look a little crazy!

Anyway, I'm looking forward to the counselling appointment on Thursday. Not so much because of the actual counselling, but just that it is one step closer to our destination!!

Happy New Year

2009-01-11T11:00:00.003Z

I had to cancel our appointment at the hospital last week because we couldn't get any childcare. It's a shame because it will delay things again. But I've managed to rearrange them for the 21st January so hopefully everything will go smoothly this time!

We've had mixed reactions from our families about our surrogacy plans. My mum is really supportive, my dad is a little unsure but is supportive, but dh's mum is really unsure about it. She tries to avoid talking about it. But we're not going to change our minds now. We really want to help our IP's to have their baby. I can't imagine what it must be like not to have a child of your own and if we were in the IP's shoes, we would want someone to help us. I think dh's mum will come around eventually.

Counselling

2008-12-28T21:17:00.003Z

I haven't posted lately as there hasn't been much to report.

My dh and I have an appointment booked at the hospital for our counselling in January. The IPs also have a counselling appointment booked with a different counsellor (to avoid conflict of interest). Once we've all had counselling and a 'cooling off period' we can go ahead with the first transfer.

I'm very keen to get started and I feel certain that I want to do this for my IPs. But the hospital insist on taking things slowly which I guess I understand. They don't want any of us to rush into anything we might regret. But I'm sure I won't regret it. I cant wait to help my IPs have their baby and I'm really excited about the future!

Hospital Appointment

2008-11-01T13:00:00.002Z

On Tuesday we went to an appointment at the IP's hospital. We met up beforehand for lunch which was lovely.

The appointment went well. The hospital seem to know what they're doing and said they've had several successful surrogacy arrangements go through them before, which is reassuring. We all have to have counselling first, with a cooling-off period to make sure we are all 100% happy. We are looking at around March 09 to start transfers.

They prefer to do drug cycles so that they have total control over my cycle and the IM's cycle. But this way we can easily do a fresh transfer which has the best chance of success. They will transfer 2 embryos at a time, unless I'd prefer just one at a time. But I think I'm okay with doing two. I want to give the IP's the best possible chance.

I'm really excited about the road ahead! I'm just waiting for my first counselling appointment now and we can get cracking!

The next step ...

2008-10-26T09:31:00.003Z

I'm so excited about Tuesday! My IP's have an appointment at their hospital to discuss the surrogacy and I will be going with them. We've arranged to meet up beforehand and they're treating me to lunch. I'm not sure what to expect at the appointment but I assume we will talk about the hospitals IVF process and whatever options we have. We're hoping to get started in the New Year.

I have been reading about the different IVF processes and it's all a little bit daunting! But I don't have any doubts that this is what I want to do. I'm so excited about the journey ahead.

I will post more after we've been to the appointment ...

Agreement Session

2008-10-14T21:36:00.003+01:00

On Sunday my IPs came to my house for our Agreement Session. We were joined by a support worker from COTS who talked us through the form and made sure we were all happy with how we were going to proceed.

The session went very well and we all came away feeling happy about everything. There were difficult issues on the form but I had completed a specimen form prior to the meeting so the IPs knew what to expect. I decided that I could not agree to a termination if there was anything wrong with the baby and the IPs have had time to talk that through and decide that they are okay with it. I also don't want to have an amnio because of the risk of miscarriage but the IPs don't particularly want one either. If an amnio, or worse still, a termination, are advised by a doctor at any time, then I will consider all the information and discuss it with the IPs before making a decision, but I need them to know that I can't make any promises. I have to remember to be true to my own beliefs.

We also talked about who would be present at the birth. I know dh doesn't want to be there. He hated seeing me in pain with our own babies and I don't want to put him through that again. So I have asked my mum to be there instead. But I am also happy for both IPs to be there which they are really happy about. I think it's important because it's their child after all. It's one of those precious moments in life and I want them to be able to experience that.

I can't believe I'm actually going to be pregnant again! I'm so excited and I couldn't imagine doing it for anyone else. My IPs are getting excited, too. We have the first clinic appointment in a couple of weeks and I can't wait to find out more. If all goes well, we'd like to start in January.

"This very moment is a seed from which the flowers of tomorrow's happiness grow"

2008-09-21T09:56:00.003+01:00

On Thursday I received an absolutely gorgeous bunch of flowers from my IP's with a card saying "Thank you for being our surrogate and new friend". That really made me smile :-)

I'm currently going over the specimen agreement form from COTS. Once we're all happy with things, we'll arrange an agreement session where we all sit down with a support worker and agree on some of the important decisions surrounding the pregnancy, birth and beyond.

IM has a clinic appointment booked for 28th October so she called and told them she has found a surrogate. They told her to invite me to the appointment. So I'm going to meet them earlier in the day and have lunch together before going to the appointment and asking any questions that we have.

I'm very excited about it. I'm really looking forward to helping the IP's have the baby they deserve. We all get on so well, it's as if we've known each other for years!

Welcome to my journey ...

2008-09-16T14:40:00.000+01:00

I'll begin by introducing myself. I am a young married mother from Kent (UK) with two children aged 1 and 3. We live in a small seaside village and have very busy lives! I run a small theatre school and am just about to open a second school. I am also studying part-time for a BA(Hons) in Theatre Studies. My dh (darling husband) works full time as a police officer. I am also secretary for my son's playschool committee.

I have always been fascinated by pregnancy and birth. I am very lucky that my children were conceived easily and I had very straight-forward pregnancies. I also enjoyed relatively quick and easy births (I know some people will think 'enjoyed' is going a bit far, but I truly do enjoy giving birth). My ds (darling son) was a hospital birth and my dd (darling daughter) was a planned homebirth.

We have decided not to have any more children. We love our babies very much and feel that our family is now complete. But I love being pregnant and felt sad that I wouldn't get to experience it again.

When I first heard about surrogacy, I was intrigued. The idea of helping someone else to have the baby they so desired really appealed to me. It felt as if this was something I was made to do. I love being pregnant and could do it again so happily. There are so many people out there who can't have a baby and I started to feel a burning desire to help them. Someone pointed me in the directions of COTS (Childlessness Overcome Through Surrogacy) but at the time I didn't feel ready. A few months later, and after lots of discussion with dh, I decided to join.

A couple of weeks later, COTS sent a support worker to visit me in my home. We talked through all the pros and cons, and I came away feeling even more excited about my decision. I always felt that Host (Gestational IVF) surrogacy was for me because I didn't want the baby to be biologically related to me.

Soon, COTS sent me some details of couples looking for a Host surrogate. I spent some time getting to know one couple but things just didn't feel right. Then I met a couple who were perfect! I chatted to the IM (Intended Mother) on the phone and we just clicked straight away. We arranged to meet up and quickly became good friends. The IF (Intended Father) is so nice and they both already feel like old friends. I can talk to them for hours without running out of things to say!

So that brings me to now. The IP's and I are still getting to know each other better, but we have decided to start the slow process that is Host surrogacy. There's a lot to work out with the clinic and starting the IVF process, but that gives us plenty of time to get to know each other more.

I hope to share my journey through this blog, the ups and the downs. I also hope it gives people a better insight into the world of surrogacy - a real option for couples in the UK.

PLEASE NOTE - Surrogacy in the UK is not the same as in the US. It is illegal to advertise for surrogates or advertise yourself as a surrogate in the UK. COTS is a voluntary organisation who provide support to surrogates and intended parents through every step of their journey together. Surrogates in the UK do not benefit financially from the arrangement - they receive only compensation for the expenses they incur.