The end of one chapter and the beginning of the next ...

It is with great sadness that I must bring my blog up to date ...

We'd hoped that the light bleeding I'd experienced was nothing to worry about. But unfortunately it was my body's way of telling me that things were not going well. We were all beginning to feel more optimistic when on Thursday I had a bright red bleed. It wasn't a lot, but enough to make me worry. I went to A&E and IPs met me there.

The A&E doc checked me over and then looked at our notes ... the nurse had performed a urine test which had come up negative for pregnancy. We couldn't believe it when he told us and were all devastated. Unhelpfully, the doc just told us to go home and do a home pregnancy test in the morning. I bought some on my way home and did one that evening and another in the morning. Both came up positive, but the line was much weaker than it had been previously. We all knew deep down what had happened but we needed someone to tell it to us straight. So IM booked a private appointment. We met a lovely doctor who performed a scan for us. There was nothing there :-( The embryos were gone and my lining was thin.

The doc thinks I miscarried a few days previously and the fertility meds I was taking were making me hold on to something that had already ended. He told me to come off the meds, which I did, and then I started cramping and bleeding properly.

I feel so very disappointed. I was so sure that things would be okay. I also feel very empty. It's a strange feeling. But most of all, I feel so very sorry for my IPs.

We will try again. I am more than happy to do it all again. So this is not the end, it's just another step in our journey x x x